Whilst the drummers union were in disarray yesterday, the Mystery Guitar Player anounced that he intends to take over the band leadership and also to change his name.

The Mystery Guitar Player made his announcement at a meeting of the drummers union and mixing session which only one of the bands three drummers, NICK, turned up for.

Nick and the Mystery Guitar Player demanded Jaffa Cakes and a new structure to the band, whilst Darren was unable to attend the meeting as he was attending a clinic to control his drinking problem.

Darrens difficulty lies in his inability to succesfully remove liquids from their hard outer coating before consumption.

This is not an unusual problem with drummers and he is now showing a marked improvement.

Bruce was also unavailable as he was denouncing the English at a Burns Night party and this gave the Mystery Guitar Player the chance he had been waiting for.

After eating the last of the Jaffa Cakes, the Mystery Guitar Player became agitated and said "I think we should have more discipline, and I'm gonna be BOSS."

"Dann should be in a G-string and we gotta put the drummers in a cage."

...And we can sell Dann Dolls, in cowboy outfits and ballet dancing costumes"

Nick then noted that

"Other peoples Jaffa Cakes always taste better"

to which the Mystery Guitar Player added

"But they never have enough of them".

Dann remained silent throughout.

The Mystery Guitar Player then announced his intentions to change his name.

Saying "I'm no longer the Mystery Guitar Player, from this moment onwards I'm to be known as..." and then made several rude gestures and strange noises.

"And no-one is to look straight at me."

The band are now seeking more Jaffa Cakes.